Yoga is the most consistently inconsistent thing in my life. I’ve done/practiced/looked ridiculous doing yoga since I was about 15 and my boyfriend-at-the-time’s mom got me a pack of classes as a birthday gift. That particular yoga studio gave everyone weird face compresses that smelled like tea tree oil for shavasana/nap time and I’m pretty sure that’s what hooked me.
I’ve had huge gaps in my yoga-ing, like that time in college where I probably attended 4 yoga classes in 4 years, and that’s probably a 50 percent inflation on the actual number of classes and probably I went to zero. Maybe one. I have no idea. It was college. I could’ve done yoga daily, but at the time I liked this thing called vodka, and I worked a lot and spent a lot of late nights writing papers and short stories because I was very confident my personality was going to get me a job, so why not major in English and vodka and I have no idea if I did yoga in college.
Anyway. It all worked out.
Since graduating sixish years ago, I’ve done yoga pretty much all the time, except when I skip a month or two. But that’s it! Just a couple months! I even sometimes manage to find a class when I’m traveling, and I travel all the damn time.
And it’s from this semi-regular thing I do that I’ve realized my brain is almost always spending part of its subconscious capacity mulling over inanities…
I wonder if there’s a poem out there that rhymes “my vagina” with “Indochina.” What would that poem even be about? French interventions? Is that a politically correct term? Indochina? Is it more or less politically correct than poetically discussing a French intervention of vaginas? Ballyhoo is a weird word, but I wish ducks made ballyhoo noises instead of quacking noises.
…and the rest of its subconscious capacity thinking about where random people are these days.
What happened to Ben Stein? Did people actually just win all his money and now he’s working in a call center in Boise? Ben Stein should teach yoga. I’d buy his yoga DVD series. Oh man, Win Ben Stein’s Yoga DVD Collection. Ben Stein teaches yoga and if you can successfully hold crow pose, you win his DVDs. Or Ben Stein’s yoga mat. Shoes? Maybe you just take Ben Stein’s keys from the cubby area. Do all yoga places have cubbies instead of lockers? Lots of trust in these places. I don’t think Ben Stein would go for that. People just slowly win all his things. They won all his money for chrissakes and now he’s in Boise doing telesurveys.
It’s always after thinking about these revelations–and chastising myself because, really, I’m supposed to be shutting my brain the hell up during yoga and if I’m going to be thinking, I should at least be thinking about ways to avoid Ebola or cure the common cold–that I end up wondering why that first yoga studio was the only one to ever give me a shavasana face compress.